In the midst of an argument we are so frustrated that the other person is not actually hearing or understanding what we are saying.
So what happens?
Voices get raised and all we want is to win this over and for that person to see it from our side.
Isn't that the truth?
And obviously we are right and have every reason to be angry.
Here's the thing-
Sure you may feel you have a right to be mad, and sure you may feel you are right. Most likely though, so does the other person you are in disagreement with.
So the truth then is-
Look at what is right for each person. In an argument there tends to be a misunderstanding which fuels the escalation of the situation so what better way to make sure each person is understood. Every person wants to be seen and heard especially when fired up.
Every person wants to be seen and heard.
I am not talking about hearing but soaking in what is being said-don't think of a response, first understand what is being said.
Ex. When someone is explaining why they are frustrated, clarify. Such as, "If I am understanding correctly ______ is frustrating to you because ______."
And trust me if you have it wrong the person will make sure you know you are wrong and try and tell you again. If you have it right the person will agree with you, in which case you just went from disagreeing to agreeing on something which alters the entire direction of the conversation.
They are right:
Look at what is being said what are they right about?
Plus who doesn't like to be right or hear they are right?
Ex. Recently, I was told I was annoying for saying thank you too much- and you know what-they are right. I do say thank you a lot and repeating anything often enough has the potential to be annoying.
No matter what the situation every person longs to be understood, especially in the midst of disagreement.
It also gives you time to breathe and process the situation.
Instead of reacting with an immediate response, when we validate and look at what the other person is right about we are creating empathy.
By making sure you are understanding the other person it helps builds empathy which then fosters a better relationship. Which is exactly what needs to happen when we are within an argument and feel a lack of connection with the person we are in disagreement with.
By the end you then foster more connection and growth in your relationship.
Author: Leara Glinzak MSAT